That Heart Sinking Feeling

Recently, I have had many a time where I have expected something to be so good or something to be exactly as I would like, but it hasn't been. Then you get the feeling. That feeling where your heart moves 4 inches into you stomach because it isn't right and you are sad that maybe you can't do anything about, or you just aren't happy with it.

For example, when you come to school and then your favourite person isn't there. They may have texted you or they may not have done, but they aren't there all day or maybe even all week and you still have to live through it, with the fact that there is a person-shaped hole in the day. Like when your friend is ill and you want to tell them something in a lesson or make a joke, but you can't because it was between you and them and they aren't there.

Or when you get so excited about something because it is going to be such a good day but then something happens like the person you dislike tags along or you go for a shorter amount of time than you had thought you would be there for. But then you shrug it off, even though if you think about it, your heart sinks again.

Some days, my heart sinks so far that I think it might fall out because it has moved so far. Recently, with results and expectations so high, that feeling has become all too common and you have to step back and think about it in reality.

That person who you want to be there is on the other end of a phone, perhaps, if you need them. Or they might not be, so you write a card and get a friend to give it to them so that they know you are thinking of them. And that thing you are excited about will be just as fun, you just have to jump over the obstacle. Think about it like that and things might feel a bit better.

But sometimes, that person who you want to be there, isn't. And they never will be again. And as much as you look at photos of them and the memories of the happy times flood back, they will never be there to see you grow, to be proud of you. They may do up there, watching down on you, but they will never be by your side. And you cry and cry but you can't make it better. And it does get better.

I was watching a program the other day and there was a quote that said: "They might be gone forever, but they are never forgotten."
I'm going to leave it there because I know that I am welling up. I know that went deep, but I had to get my thoughts out onto paper and that is what my blog is about. Finding people who are feeling the same as me.

Stay happy,
Katie xx